George W. Bush's Recent Accomplishments

Here is a list of accomplishments for George Bush over the past week, or so, with his personal annotations in parenthesis:

• Found out he doesn't have colon cancer, after all (what was that anal probe for again?)
• Beat Lyme Disease (damn ticks, they should all die, must call Dick Cheney for details on how to do that)

And his proudest accomplishment:

• Finally, got in touch with Barry Bonds (he's a dope-head like me, and he is loved...kind of)

Congratulations, Mr. President, on a job well done!