Struttin' that ass!

Yesterday, for the first time in my life, I watched a healthy dose of soccer. I decided since it was the World Cup, I would donate some of my time to seeing what soccer is all about. I was influenced by a few factors, such as all the advertising on the television and Internet, and a video from "Red State Update." It was about "socialist soccer, players running around in their little shorts, and struttin' that ass!" So, naturally, I had to tune in and see what it was all about.

Backasswards

That word is quite amusing and folky, which is why I am not shocked by who said it. Sarah Palin, who is a Republican stooge, that was John McCain's vice president pick in 2008, stated that Obama was going about the economic issue "backasswards."

Now, I am from Kentucky, and not Alaska, so we may say things here a smidge differently than other places. I have said, "Ass-backwards." There is a unique way, of course, we say it in Kentucky, and I am not going to try to sound it out here.

But I digress.

It is a dumb euphemism, and I wouldn't say it in front of a group of people, if I were a politician. But, again, I'm no Sarah Palin.

General David Patraeus

God, I'd fake a fainting spell, too, if I had to listen to Senator John McCain (R-AZ) drone on and on.

It's 3am...

It's 3am and a phone is ringing in the White House to tell the president that an assload of oil is leaking into the Gulf of Mexico, which will destroy ecosystems and cost billions of dollars in local revenues. Are you glad it is Barack Obama who is taking the call?

I didn't think so.

You could have had Hillary Clinton, you losers! Instead, we have President Obama, who is stuck in the headlights like a deer. I bet Hillary would have kicked someone's ass right there on the Gulf coast! I would rather have a president who was doing something about one of the worst natural distasters in our country's history, rather than on television making speeches about it, because he's too buddy-buddy with British Petroleum (BP).

Lexapro...somewhere in the deep, black sea (not the Gulf of Mexico)

Well, I tried to wean myself off of what I once termed "the good stuff," but I have been having some problems. I dropped my dosage to 5mg per day of Lexapro, but I have sense upped my dose to 10mg per day. The reason behind this increase is simple: I felt like crap!

The 10mg level seems to be comfortable to me. Perhaps, if I plateau there, I can decrease my dose again. I will probably wait and bring it up to my doctor, but I am afraid he may decide to take me off it cold turkey!

(That's why God invented the drawer where I keep my reinforcements!)

Open Mic

Anytime I am around a mic, I realize that it may be on, which means anyone may hear what I am saying.

Let's keep that in mind Carly Fiorina (and Joe Biden) for next time. I wouldn't trust anyone who works in the media to not have a mic on if I am about to do an interview, even if they are doing my hair and make-up, and everyone seems really relaxed!

It just makes sense.

Fiorina, who is a Republican, is up against Senator Barbara Boxer (D-CA) for her seat in the United States Senate.

Day 13 on Lexapro Withdrawal

Today is lucky number 13. It was two weeks ago tomorrow that I decided to step down my dosage of the mind numbing drug I had come to rely on so heavily. I haven't consulted with my doctor about my decision yet. I figure it is my body; therefore, my choice. (Thanks Roe v. Wade.)

Right now I am taking 5mg a day. That is a big step down from 20mg a day I was taking a little over two weeks ago. I can't say that my decision hasn't been without consequences. Today, for example, I am light-headed. I know it is from the lack of Lexapro, because I have encountered these feelings in the past, like when I missed a dose completely.

The gradual step-down method is the best way to go when it comes to getting off of Lexapro (or probably any drug for that matter). I haven't decided how I am going to proceed in the next week. I don't know if I should keep taking 5mg each day or figure out how to cut a 10mg tablet into fourths. That could be a bit tricky. I don't think or feel, however, that it is time to fly solo.

I have noticed some of my nasty little habits returning, though, which reminds me of why I started Lexapro in the first place. I have become more moody. I yell one minute and then I comfort the next. It is like a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde complex. (Just like old times.) Also, I find myself turning to the old bottle to wind the day down. I don't drink every day, but I think about it each day. Alcohol has a calming effect on me. It does what Zyprexa couldn't do for me; it smooths out the manic wrinkles from my personality.

Despite my addictive personality, I do take Xanax occasionally. It helps me sleep after a long, hectic day. I know it is not a sleeping pill, but it is when I usually take it. I suppose I should go in and talk to my doctor about alternatives to Lexapro, because I can't really do it on my own. I don't want to become a full blown alcoholic. In my family, that is hardly original!

Hillary Clinton, The Reprise

After Secretary of State Hillary Clinton's foray into domestic policy yesterday has gotten everyone's attention (including mine), I came across this little tid-bit on the Internet. It is called, "Vice President Hillary Clinton."

(Perfect.)

If Hillary were the Democratic candidate for Vice President in 2012, how would that translate into votes for Democrats? Also, how about 2016? (I don't want to hear any Republicans say she is too old! For Christ's sake, Ronald Reagan was three day's older than God, when he ran for president in 1980 and 1984. She'll only be a scant over 70 on Election Day, November 8, 2016.)

(Hopeful.)

Day 6 on 10mg of Lexapro

Last weekend, I stepped down my dose of Lexapro from 20mg a day to 10mg. At first, I felt a sense of euphoria and increased energy. As the days have come and gone that sense of energy and euphoria is turning into a cloud of despair.

I could ball my eyes out right now. I have no good reason to do so. I just feel hollow on the inside. It is as if my whole life has fallen apart, and I am so completely alone. I can live with the mania, but not the depression. It's like the lights are on, but I am sitting in absolute darkness.

Oddly, I find myself thinking about people and minor things they have done to upset me. Yes, they are minor things, but right now they feel like betrayals on an enormous scale. Things that ordinarily I wouldn't think twice about, but they are weighing heavily on my mind tonight.

UGH!

My Story about Lexapro

About two years ago, I began my love affair with Lexapro. I started out on 10mg per day, but soon I had my dosage upped to 20mg per day, because I was still feeling the symptoms of anxiety and depression.

I have taken it religiously since then. I never miss a day, or I feel it deep in my brain. It is like a lion trying to escape. It feels like pressure building inside of my skull. That is a signal that I have missed a single day's dose. Over the past week, I have been thinking about some of the turns my life has taken. I have become more than fat. I have gained a lot of weight, which I'm told takes quite a bit to notice on my 6'3" frame. But it is easily noticeable now. Also, my annoying inability to remember words or phrases that I've used all of my life, called dyspashia, may be attributed to my use of Lexapro. (It only affects the use of nouns. My use of verbs is still above par.) In addition to speech difficulties, I was experiencing the inability to remember short term memories. I could easily remember things that happened months or years ago, but I had a problem telling you about yesterday, or even this morning, in some cases! It felt as if dementia was setting in, but I think I am too young for such things. Another problem I had is the depression had returned with greater intensity. I did not feel things anymore. I had felt withdrawn from life. The joy of writing, listening to music, reading, talking, or even going on my afternoon walk, was gone. In fact, it has been gone for a while now.

Yesterday, I stepped down from 20mg per day to 10mg per day. It seems that you can easily snap those pills in half. They are scored down the middle after all. I woke up this morning with a feeling of exuberance! That is a feeling I haven't felt in a long time. What makes it even more odd is that it occurred on a rainy day, which can usually bring me down on my best day. I'm not complaining, though!

My brain feels like it is waking up from a long sleep. My recent memories feel like dreams, fittingly. My thoughts felt like a car stalled on the side of the road while watching other cars go by at a snail's pace.

I am going to keep taking 10mg a day until next Saturday, and then I am going to step down to 5mg for a week. Then I am going to try and fly without them for a week. I am not sure what will happen, but I think I can live with the feelings of anxiety, if I can just live life again.

Right now my brain has a thousand different thoughts running through it. I want to stand up and scream at the top of my lungs, "I'm alive, again, bitches!"

Obama's Supreme Court Nominee

White House sources are saying that President Barack Obama will make an announcement tomorrow nominating United States Solicitor General Elena Kagan as an associate justice of the Supreme Court.

(Or so I read on HuffPost...we'll wait and see what happens.)

Betty White was Beautiful

Last night marked the first time I have tuned into NBC's Saturday Night Live program in what is surely years. And, I only tuned in to see the much talked about former Golden Girl herself, Betty White.

While she publicized the fact she is 88-and-half years old throughout the program, she was witty and devilishly delicious with her running grandmother-inappropriate banter and gags. She made fun of her generation, by saying if she wanted to connect with her friends, she'd have more luck with a Ouija board than Facebook.

It was truly an honor to see Betty White doing what she does best, which is making people laugh. She has a way about her that makes her appear quite benevolent, but what you find is a moist and decadently malevolent muffin. (Yet, another reference to a joke from the program.)

So, to Betty White, thank you for being a friend. I've been down that road with you many times in the past, as a loyal Golden Girls fan (I've only seen every episode a hundred times and each time they get better).

Kentucky Derby

This rainy first Saturday in May brings us the 136th Run for the Roses (and $2 million).

Supreme Court Vacancy

Associate Justice John Paul Jones, who has been a liberal fixture of the nation's highest court, since 1975, is stepping down. Although, one of the oldest members to serve on the Supreme Court, he is still bested by former Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr., who retired at the ripe old age of 90.

President Obama, if you need someone to fill that vacancy, I am still available for a lifetime appointment!

(I wish!)

Coming to terms with my lack of religion

Since I was a young boy, I was always resistant to the idea that someone else--especially an invisible someone else--could dictate my fate. I found the notion that an absentee father was anything less than enchanting. (I can speak from both reality and make-believe on that issue.)

Sigmund Freud called God a construct of the adult psyche. Humanity could not be thought capable of existing in a world without having someone more sage to whom they could atone. When we flew from our nests, so-to-speak, we had to have someone to be proud of us. We had to have someone bigger to fear when temptation was ripe. There is where we find God.

It is true that more people have died in the name of their deities, whether they be Brahman, Jesus, Allah, or Confucius (among a host of thousands of others). Think of all the lives that could have been saved if religion did not exist. Even with that said, surely we would have found something else to kill each other over on a daily basis, but at least it may have been more tactile.

I think of myths and fables when someone mentions religion. I think of Greek and Roman gods riding bolts of lighting across a wicked sky and smiting mortals with a mere thought. We smile at such childish stories, but at the same time we believe in the same stories, which are told in a slightly different way.

Who can honestly look at the story of the crucifixion and resurrection, with an educated mind, and accept that as gospel (pardon the pun)? I find it more than ironic that an omnipotent god would have to stoop to such mortal levels to get us to believe in him (or her or it). Medical science brings people back from death each day. People who have lived in a state of death (we call it coma today) are returned to awareness. Does that mean they are resurrected, too?

I also wonder why God doesn't perform such obvious miracles as he did once before. How come water can no longer be turned into wine by a single touch? How come cities are no longer destroyed in a hail of fire and brimstone at the biding of a spiteful sky spirit?

It is also fitting that Christians celebrate their holiest of holies on a great pagan holiday, Easter. Easter, or Eoaster, as it was called by Germanic peoples, celebrates the return of life and fertility to the land and womb after the desolation of winter. What better symbol than a beautifully decorated egg to symbolize an unfertilized womb. Youth are turned loose upon fertile fields and meadows to capture as many of the best of these hidden treasures. Their task is to find the most desirable to call their own. It's quite sexual, if you think about it. Also, it employs the first Sunday after the first full moon to follow the vernal equinox in its calculation, which is why Easter does not occur on a regular day.

Next year, Easter will be on April 24. How many Christians think of it that way, though? (Better yet, how many even know?)

Religion is a surrogate for a person's conscience. With that in mind, I have grown beyond the need for a make-believe friend who lives inside of me. I make decisions for my own benefit. I can take care of myself. I am independent and proud of it. I can live my entire life free of the restraints of religious dogma. It will not make me less of a person. I think more-and-more Western cultures are growing out of an infancy that has plagued us for so many centuries. It has bred hate and separated us along invisible boundaries. We are simply products of our environment. We are genetic mutations that have evolved into a subset of the species. One of millions to have inhabited this round, blue orb we call home.

Healthcare Reform

To be or not to be....

Today is the BIG day!

Healthcare

So, I'm watching the House debate on C-SPAN about healthcare.

A Republican representative from Iowa, who thinks that the tax money that will be used to give 30,000,000+ Americans a right to healthcare is his, is acting like a real know-it-all prick.

I love how he is rambling off BIG business names that probably finance his campaign, as a way to divert attention away from the real issues surrounding healthcare. He says that the TARP funds used to bail out Wall Street was a bad idea. I wonder how we got to that point? Did George W. Bush have anything to do with that?

But, will America be better if it helps out American families gain access to the right to health? I think so.

Let me ask him, how has America benefited from 7 years of Bush's war in Iraq?

Poor Jim

Senator Jim Bunning (R-KY) is coming to the end of his political career. He was too afraid to run for another term, because he knows he is finished. He decided to show the average American that life really is "tough shit."

As the lone senator, he decided to hold up the unemployment insurance benefits (along with other things), which will cease at the end of today, by objecting repeatedly to its adoption on Friday. The United States Senate will take up the issue again this coming week. It is surely to pass once it is put to a vote.

It is shameful that this occurred. It is even more shameful that he had to represent Kentucky.

Tiger Woods

Tiger Woods held a well-constructed, well-planned media circus today. He is very sorry for what he did to the world of golf, his fans, and his family.

Let me break it down for you. He is really saying he is sorry he crashed his Cadillac Escalade that night and the world finally found out about his extra-marital affairs.

He's going back to therapy now (for his sex addiction?). Why is it that celebrities can simply go to therapy/rehab to get off the hook for their actions?

It is bizarre to me! (And more than ridiculous.)

Robotic Surgery

For as long as I can remember, I have been mesmerized by the human body and its inner-workings. That is why I like to watch health education shows; especially, those that show real-life surgical procedures.

Gruesome? Maybe, but it makes me happy on a cloudy day.

Recently, I have stumbled on a new and growing technology that is going to revolutionize the way we experience surgery. This device is called the da Vinci Surgical System (created by Intuitive Surgical). It is a robotic system that allows for very small incisions, in order to perform very delicate procedures.

In the area of cardiothoracic surgery, the benefits are infinite. The sternum of a patient is cut open and the rib cage is forced apart, during a traditional heart operation. The use of the da Vinci robot requires only a low number of very small incisions, which allow access through the ribs' natural spaces and below and beneath the rib cage. This allows the surgeon to operate the robot in a very tight space, without opening the chest. This minimally invasive procedure also has another added benefit; it doesn't require the heart to be stopped and the patient placed on a heart-lung by-pass machine. Many patients are able to resume normal activities within 1 to 2 weeks; whereas, patients who undergo traditional thoracic procedures require 1 to 2 months to recover!

I am glad to live in an age when medicine is growing by leaps. Perhaps, the actual act of surgery no longer has to be as debilitating to individuals as the disease it treats. The idea of heart surgery has always been fearful to me. I hope that I never require it, but if I do, I feel better knowing that there are more options available to me than being semi-butchered on the operating table to save my life!